What my job posting SHOULD read like...

My manager at work posted a position for my replacement two months ago. So far, no bites. While reading it over today, I thought we might appeal to a broader pool if we made the listing more realistic. Here is what I propose:

Are you an angry, bitter, older nurse? Are you stuck in your ways and convinced you are always right? Did you start work as a nurse 30+ years ago, when everything was harder, shifts were longer, doctors were nastier, and being on call meant that you had to spend 27 hours a day at the hospital? Do you hate younger nurses and want to make their experience every bit as difficult as yours? Or perhaps you just have a generally unpleasant demeanor and find that you have difficulty maintaining personal relationships (don't worry, we're certain the problem is everyone else, NOT you). If any or all of the above applies to you, and you have a valid Washington state RN license, we have a job for YOU!

Seriously.

I think that, because the average age of a nurse happens to be, like, 75 right now (okay, maybe it's 55), and because all of them with any GI experience seem to be living with major superiority complexes and/or psychotic menopausal tendencies, THIS JOB POSTING WOULD DRAW THEM IN LIKES FLIES. They would also have the added benefit of fitting RIGHT in with the people I am so happily leaving behind when I run like hell from this particular department.

Really, this post reflects the hardest-learned lesson I have gleaned from my experience in the shallow gene pool of nursing. Lesson being this: if you find yourself at a job interview and the person conducting the interview spends 90% of the time focusing on how you might deal with/resolve/handle yourself in situations with "difficult co-workers", and only 10% of the time, say, reviewing your resume and your skill set, you should IMMEDIATELY excuse yourself, find the nearest exit, and escape. Do not look back. You may still be unemployed, but believe me, you're better off.

(And Michelle? I'm sorry. Please come with me. Puyallup is where the nice GI nurses work.)